Friday, February 07, 2014

So i did it

It's not the first time. I'm sure it's not. But it's a long time since the last time i hit my son. I cant even remember when was the last time i did it.

He's getting on my nerves. Big time. With all the crying at home and at school, for the simplest and silliest of things. 

Like when he dropped his clay onto the floor . And it broke. He cried. Ok, maybe it is really a heartbreaking thing for a 5-Yo. But he will also cry when i asked him to take his shower. And when his sister wanted to watch another show on youtube. And when the ice-cream that i scooped for him was smaller than his sister's. And also when he lost to his sister when running up the stairs to our apartment. He'll cry when he mispelled something and i corrected him. And when he miscalculate something and i showed him the right answer.  He cried for everything. Every (i wish i cud swear) thing!! 

I tried to be patient. To empathize with him. I did. Oh God knows i really did. 

Until...My som decided to test my limits.

He peed on the floor. I could assume it was an accident. But i cant help thinking that he did it on purpose to get my attention.

It's not the mess that he created. Not the fact that his urine was everywhere on the floor and on the carpet. Not the fact that i need to clean it up after that. 

It's the fact that he didnt think i would be mad at him that pissed me off. The fact that he thought he could get away just by making that innocent look on his face. That. That really pissed me off.

So i hit him. I yelled at him. I cant tolerate this behavior and i never will. That's just too much for me. He cant always has the upper hand. I need to teach him a lesson. Discipline him. Screw all those parenting tips. It just didnt work on my son.

And you know what? That's not even the worse part. The worse part is - i dont even feel guilty about it. I think he deserved it. And that's a scary thought. Because me with all my heart, i dont ever want to lay a finger on any of my children. Ever, again.

But what if that's the (only) effective way? What if my son or my other kids are the kind that respond only to authoritative military like parenting? What if me being a gentle mom would only cause more harm to them in the future than being a tiger mom?

1 comment:

anak Wan Salleh said...

hi shaz, i wanted to response earlier on your previous post. sekali dekat comment box didnt work yesterday..

as a mummy too, even tho i anak sorang je, i think u did it the right way, at times we need to show our firm decision, of cos for their own better behavior..

emir on the other hand, anak sorang, lagi lah manja u.. kalau i marah, bapaknya nak pujuk, even worst dulu duduk rumah mak pak i, mak bapak i slowly pegi pujuk.. and it goes on and on..

and this happened yesterday, i lost him for good 10 min at kinokuniya.. he was out of my sight in a split second.. my husband was so mad at him when we found him, but i keep it calm sebab bapaknya dah marah betul.. tapi lepas bapak dia senyap i started bebel dekat dia..

later, before he slept, he asked me .. why i need to scold him.. and i explained "kalau ibu tak marah, u think its not serious"

and guess what he replied

"ok now i understand"

so i rasa marah tu perlu jugak kot.. to make them understand and remember.. macam mak bapak zaman dulu2, derang memang strict, and u can see most of the adults last time, is way different from the adults this time..

or another thing, may be u have to slow talk with ur son. on a second tot, i rasa he needs attention sebab dia ada adik2 lain.. the best time i can slowly talk to emir, is before his sleeping time, masa tu dia akan keluar segala cerita dekat sekolah.. segala yang dia rasa good or bads towards whatever happen during the day.. i think during this communication u can tackle him kan.. i think he just need a comfort that he is still in ur eye. (of cos i know he is, tapi i myself being the eldest, i sometimes can understand how he feels :))

my 20 sen.. :) panjang pulak

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